Yesterday I was asked “so what do you do when you are not doing yoga?”
My gut response was “I do more yoga, some writing and I’m a mom.”
I almost cringed after my response for some reason being a mom felt like an excuse of an answer, as if it was something to be ashamed of, like I sit around all day eating Cadbury mini eggs and watching political dramas (some days this is exactly what I do but only in the afternoon).
After I said the mom part my questioner widened his eyes and responded with something that felt to me like “oh wow, well that’s a big deal, a lot of work and a lot of responsibility.” And while that response was warm and just what it should be when anyone says that they are a mom, I felt like there was something lacking in my answer like I had fallen short in contributing to society. My further questioning myself “what the hell do I do?” ended up only making me feel more shame. There is nothing wrong with being just a mom, I know this, I am living in a constant state of thanks for the life I have but what am I contributing to the world besides two well-adjusted, caring, moral little boys?
When I was younger, high school, I was smart, the kind of smart that gets good grades without trying and gets away with doing whatever I felt like. I knew in my head that I was going to choose one of two paths when I was in my 20’s either get a job, probably in writing/publishing and living for work in a large city and making a decent amount of money but that having kids in that scenario would not be ideal to me- or I’d be in the suburbs, a mom, loving husband but I never saw a career for myself in this situation. Turns out I didn’t get a choice at all, life happened for me, turns out God’s plan was better than I could imagine but I am finding myself resonating with every other mother in the struggle of just being a mom since the 1960’s and while I don’t feel like it’s good enough, I think that is society working on my brain and that it is good enough for me.
I look at my days and think of how much time I have but when you are constantly picking up, planning and running errands the time just plain escapes. I’m only 29, maybe I’m just supposed to embrace and enjoy this slow tempo in life and see where the current takes me. I am so thankful to be a mom and I’m going to accept that it is enough for now and I’m going to do a kick ass job at it.