What Village

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Lately I’ve been dealing with real “why can’t I have that” jealousy. Not over materialistic items much to my surprise (I grew out of *most* of that years ago) but jealous of time and circumstance. And there is nothing I can do to change it or go about getting it.

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “it takes a village” when if comes to raising children. What happens if you don’t have a village though? What if it’s just you and your husband treading water, syncing schedules and adapting as life comes at you with little outside help or influence?

Here’s what I’m talking about: Young families with close help. Families with young children that have aunts/uncles/grandparents close by and willing to help. We have a handful of friends that get days/a night/a weekend kid free while we pay babysitters for even 3 hours to ourselves.

{To be fair I do have help and I do have family help, just not close by and not the kind that says “oh let us take the boys for you guys.” Also to be fair I would never expect them to do that- this isn’t about them this is about my jealousy haha. me.me.me.}

Since the night we became parents 5 1/2 years ago Chad and I have spent 1 night kid free. That night wasn’t even up to us exactly, it was not a date night or a vacation, it was for a marriage retreat and some wonderful friends offered to keep our then 2 crazy boys.

Let that in. 5 years, 8 months and 15 days with only 1 night without kids. It wasn’t even 24 hours alone.

And this is our life situation. This is how our life turned out, we chose (kinda) to be parents, we chose to have a second baby and when we were planning our vacation from the first two the third baby decided to get in the way. I have literally not missed a single day of my kids life.

So what’s my point?

For those that do have the parents that say they will watch your kids Tuesday mornings so you can schedule a dental appointment without holding a 6 month old in your lap, or they will take your kids for the nigh/weekend/week/month so you can have a date night or quiet house: do not take them for granted. Treat them nicely, be grateful, even if they let your kid eat an entire loaf of bread and don’t poop for a week.

And as for me, I struggle with the jealousy but not the situation. I am beyond grateful that I have a husband that I can still rely on when the kids become too much. Even if we don’t get serious alone time I am not alone. I’m thankful for my kids and that I do get to spend so much time with them. I’m thankful for my independence that I can be a successful mother and wife and not wanting to rely on others. I am thankful for those that do help, family, friends and babysitters. I’m thankful for the finances to be able to pay a babysitter! And I’m thankful for a husband I actually want to spend time with and enjoy talking to.

Sometimes I even enjoy taking them all to the store at once, they are annoying but cute.

To our mothers, who are both coming over tomorrow (I’ll buy more wine but the floors might not get scrubbed): I wouldn’t change you. Thanks for all the help that you do offer, we appreciate it every minute. This wasn’t about you at all, I promise.

To my sons and their future spouses: I fear I may be the overbearing/smothering type when you have children. Please forgive me. Also if you have more than 3 kids you might be on your own.

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