Why I’m Bad at Making Friends

A few years ago I took a pretty in depth personality quiz. I remember it was long and I remember hearing “if you get this answer (the answer I did get) then you probably don’t have a lot of friends.” For some that might seem harsh but in my mind I thought: Yes! I haven’t had many friends, I can’t help that, it’s just how God made me! I was fairly relieved to have an excuse as to why I didn’t seem to have a gaggle of girls to go to constantly, even my bridal party was a one person party, my sister. To further explain the “you have no friends” answer it was answered that I tend to be overly honest, blunt, loud, and I have a general social disability when it comes to taking the first steps in a friendship. Add in the fact that I wear my emotions on my face (and my emotions are usually disapproval for some reason) and you do not have someone with many close friends.

This girl is definitely a soul mate of mine. We are destined to be together even my husband has commented that we can never move because she and I can not be separated.

This girl is definitely a soul mate of mine. We are destined to be together even my husband has commented that we can never move because she and I can not be separated.

So growing up I constantly had a good girl friend but it was usually only one. Don’t worry, I still had friends, most of them boys, some girls but I usually kept them at arms length because I didn’t need a large amount of friends it felt like too much responsibility when I just wanted to play, I just one or two really good ones to rely on and in return I was a good and reliable friend to them. Even from a young age I hated drama and kept it to a minimum.

I remember when we moved across town the summer after 4th grade. I attached myself to the other new girl when we started 5th grade at our new school. When October came around I asked her point blank if she would go trick or treating with me, really I had no one else to go with because she and I were the only two that lived in our new development, but she liked soccer and also had dark hair and freckles like I did. After that we stuck together and played every day except Sundays and Wednesdays. Right before 7th grade I moved to Arizona, and Megan came to visit during spring break, she confessed that she did not like me  before I asked her to go trick or treating (I was loud and confident or as I like to say now, I was a boss), she had no one else to go with so she said yes. This confession actually did not hurt me, it did surprise me a little but it more just reaffirmed how I had always felt about myself.

High school friends. These 2 are some of my oldest friends. What's great is even though we met at 14 they have grown into awesome women that I still adore. This picture was from my wedding 5 years ago! Haven't seen them in almost that long but I know we pick right up where we left off. I have to add that they are some of the most fun girls I've ever met.

High school friends. These 2 are some of my oldest friends. What’s great is even though we met at 14 they have grown into awesome women that I still adore. This picture was from my wedding 5 years ago! Haven’t seen them in almost that long but I know we pick right up where we left off. I have to add that they are some of the most fun girls I’ve ever met.

This is how my life has played out. I wear my emotions on my face too often. I’m timid about approaching other females, and in return they see me as intimidating (my college roommates would tell me this later after remembering our first encounter where I said little to them because I was shy, yet they saw it as aloofness).

Now that we live in a place I consider our forever home I’ve revisited what it is to make friends again especially with kids in tow. Many moms feel anxiety when it comes to making friends. Part of this is just the everyday stress that having kids creates making it hard to make plans or even phone calls but another part is the fact that we have created or been warned about mommy wars. We want to be friends with those that support us so if we feel like we are being judged for whatever parenting choice we make shy away from others who are not in the same situation making of a whole new level of insecurity. This isn’t good, plain and simple, on both ends we need to be more open, willing to put ourselves out there and more accepting of those that do not make the same choices we do. I look for friends who are understanding, support me, keep me honest and are honest with me (and preferably love wine, food, don’t mind messes, are flexible and laugh a lot). I accept them how they are and hopefully they do the same for me. I look forward to making new friends, I feel like I can pick them out pretty easily but it’s hard for me to make the right steps towards companionship without being super awkward.

This beautiful new mom is another long time friend that doesn't live close but that doesn't matter. I love that we started friends as single ladies and that motherhood has made us even closer. We know each others life stories pretty intimately, she's my go to person when it comes to matters in Christ.

This beautiful new mom is another long time friend that doesn’t live close but that doesn’t matter. I love that we started friends as single ladies and that motherhood has made us even closer. We know each others life stories pretty intimately, she’s my go to person when it comes to matters in Christ. 

So what is my friendship situation like currently? I’m in love with my long-term friends that are spread all around the states and here in S. Dakota. I’d say I have two very close friends that I can lean on anytime and a few more that I’m hoping grown into great friendships. I feel supported and loved, I am not alone, it’s encouraging and wonderful, a nice way to live.

If you are a mom or are moving to a new area or both here is what I suggest to make friends: Find local activities, MOPS groups, Hike it Baby groups, find a local church that you like, get a part time job, volunteer, go to library story times, sign up for an adult education class, or join a yoga studio. Find something that you like to do, be brave and put yourself out there and the universe will bring you someone to you, be patient and open, sometimes the really good ones take a while to appear.

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First Day of Spring

Last night was a complete mess. Harper fought me till the end about falling to sleep. He thought he deserved a treat just for getting into bed but refused to stay there. After a good 2 hour fight he ended up falling asleep curled up on the couch.

Shortly after I went to bed myself he ended up waking up and climbing in with me. Fine. Then. He wet my bed. So everyone was up at 2 in the morning crying while I changed the sheets. I was quick and was able to get them calmed down but no one really slept after that. Willem’s little head cold didn’t help us at all. Or the fact that I had a kid on each side of me.

Fast forward to the morning and I somehow manage to pull off getting the kids up and in the truck to take Harper to school. Willem is still screaming so I make him a dr appointment but they can’t get us in while Harper is in preschool so I have to take both kids with me. This is okay, only okay. It could have gone much much worse but instead I did a little arguing with Harper about staying in the room and had to do a sprint down a long hallway as we were leaving but that’s the worst of it.

When 2 o’clock rolled around I was anxious to get out on my own since sleep wasn’t going to be happening. I had an appointment to get my windshield fixed and after that was going to do a little shopping. Mainly grocery shopping and swing by the courthouse to get some stuff for our car.

Didn’t happen.

They told me that the car will be ready at 5. So I walked off.

Thankfully the first day of spring in Rapid City was amazing. It wasn’t hot or cold just pleasant. Sun was out, there were clouds and birds singing, add some more grass and flowers and I’d be in heaven.

Anyway, I ended up walking about 5 miles. Stopped at the ol’bike shop to chat, the health food store for some corks, to the courthouse, got some sage flavored ice cream (amazing), browsed a boutique and went to my favorite art gallery in the area: art alley- an actual alley. A nice long, lonely walk was better than a nap.

Here are the highlights

Rapid City has statues of presidents on all the corners downtown. Here is George W and a dog. I couldn't tell if he was giving a thumbs up or looking for a ride but he sure does look happy.

Rapid City has statues of presidents on all the corners downtown. Here is George W and a dog. I couldn’t tell if he was giving a thumbs up or looking for a ride but he sure does look happy.

street art IMG_1346

This is one of my favorite pieces I've ever seen here. Honorable and intriguing.

This is one of my favorite pieces I’ve ever seen here. Honorable and intriguing.

Why would anyone put up this billboard? It's so oddball but very true. I can tell you I have a few things fermenting in my house, wine and Kombucha. True but strange sign.

Why would anyone put up this billboard? It’s so oddball but very true. I can tell you I have a few things fermenting in my house, wine and Kombucha. True but strange sign.